Citizens Rally To Protect Community From Coyote Menace

(San Francisco, CA) — A group of concerned citizens have identified a grave threat to the city’s outdoor cats and unleashed dogs.  An evil genius group of coyotes are exhibiting signs of intelligence and wile far beyond what is typical for their species.  The SuperCoyotes, as they have come to be known, have been living in parks, apparently planning a mass takeover of the city.  Records obtained by the activist group CULL (Cwile-e-coyte-300x229oyotes Unwelcome to Live Locally) show that the coyotes are actually breeding and engaging in predatory behavior that is likely to result in significant emotional and financial damage to the entitled citizens of San Francisco, 2.0, California.

“They’re out there plotting to eat my poodle and pick their teeth with his bones.” said Cody Smythe, a long-time resident of Noe Valley who moved to the city in September of 2015.  Trey Cummings is worried that his recently purchased $6.7 million, five story house will lose value if the city is overrun by the craven canines. “I have not actually seen one attack anyone or anything, but I know what they’re capable of” he observed “I read it online.”

CULL has successfully raised funds to hire a well known coyote expert to come to San Francisco, a posh suburb of Silicon Valley, to do battle with the critters.  Roadrunner, as the expert is known, is familiar with the tactics coyotes commonly use, such as painting tunnels on rocks, setting off TNT charges and hang gliding in to kill their prey.  The word is that Roadrunner has a perfect record of victory over the creatures and confidence is high that he will be able to fix the problem.  When asked for comment, Roadrunner remarked “Beep Beep”, but was unavailable for further comment.


Why We Are Forced To Endure Trump

There was a time when a person as obviously crude, ill-mannered, misogynistic , dishonest, racist and obnoxious as Donald Trump would be relegated to walking around the street with a sandwich board proclaiming his wingnut theories.  But not now.  In this world, he’s the king of the news.  The more outrageous, the better.  Hate? Racism? Ridiculous, unfounded claims used to spread obviously false information?  Hell yes!

Trump HateIt has been decades since anything resembling journalism was involved in Presidential politics. For the Right Wing, it’s all about the most extreme nutjobs battling each other to see who can be the most hateful to the poor and disenfranchised, the most hostile to women, the most obsequious to the rich and the least credible with facts.  Donald Trump fires on all these cylinders and more.  The pathetic press corps is so completely addicted to this storyline that they can report on almost nothing else but Hillary Clinton’s emails.

The scrum of GOP wannabes spend all their limited press coverage on trying to make Planned Parenthood an issue, as they did ACORN in 2008, in the vain hope that they’ll tap into the seething hatred of evangelicals and anti-choice zealots.  Trump will beat them to the punch there as well.  He’ll make shit up.  He’ll scream insults.  He’ll pout his lips and squint.  He’ll utter hollow pronouncements and vague clichės.  Trump has eaten the other candidate’s lunch on immigration and brought back popular use of “illegals” as a pejorative term for Latinos.  Don’t fool yourself that they are talking about anyone but Latin Americans.   They don’t even give a shit about Islamic terrorists except to the extent that they can tie them to sneaking across the US/Mexico border.

Trump is speaking to the racists who have been seething for seven years as an African American sat in the Oval Office.  He sounds the clarion call to men who are fed up with being criticized for calling women sluts, bitches and bimbos.  He’s putting it all out there in the vernacular of the American Idiot, bestowing the legitimacy that boys in the barroom see as their due in a Christian God Fearing Nation.

It has been popular for years now to compare politicians one doesn’t like to Hitler.  The Right has done this repeatedly and viciously with President Obama.  They undercut their argument and betray their utter ignorance by using the terms “fascist” and “socialist” interchangeably.  They put caricatures of Obama as Hitler on the crudely lettered and illiterate signs.

But Donald Trump is the real deal in the race to fascism.  He has the rhetorical style and he is purposefully tapping into the deep, ugly reservoir of American Hate to fuel his campaign. No one plays the media for such utter fools like Trump.  He gives aid and comfort to those who, like himself, see him as a brave Messiah who speaks the truth about all those ugly people who are Not Like Us.  The people from other places, the liberals, the feminists, the goddamned, self righteous intellectuals who need to learn a thing or two about political correctness.  He is giving voice to the Great American Asshole.

Without media worship, Trump is nothing.  He is a failed, serial bankrupted, amoral son of a bitch who is trying to make the fantasies of every ignorant jackass come true.  Film at 11.