10 Most Important Take-Aways from the State of the Union

I have listened to the state of the union address every year since I was 12.  I’m way older than that now. I mean like, a lot older.  You don’t even want to know.

Okay, full disclosure. I actually missed eight years of them when George W. Bush reported to Dick Cheney because I thought it was a little cheesy that Cheney didn’t just do them himself.  Instead, he sent that Howdy Doody motherfucker out there every year to prattle on about liberty, and how we has some real good freedoms.  I only missed those years for medical reasons because of the serial vomiting episodes that plagued me.

So.  Other than that.  Every year.  Even Reagan.  Even Nixon.poptops_sotu2015

I hear what is said and weigh it against the vision to which the President aspires balanced against the no fucking way factor of the Republican’s corporate masters.  Then I thank Aaron Sorkin for writing such a good speech and go about my business.

However, the media coverage surfaces the Most Important takeaways, sometimes before the speech is even over.  They don’t always align perfectly with my takeaways, but then, what does?  Certainly not reality and the media and their corporate masters are entitled to highlight the things they think are most important by writing about them ad nauseum with catchy headlines which are virtually identical

I’ve done a deep analysis of press coverage, taking into account how busy I was doing other things and how much I goofed off on the internet procrastinating.  That method really makes the headlines pop.  Here, then, are what seems to me to be the 10 most important messages that Americans should absorb, based on their prominence in reportage.

10.  Oooh.  Burn!  Obama really pwned that heckler.

9.  What a great comeback.

8. Do we know who was doing the heckling?  Nah, not important.

7. Something about vetoes.

6. Who writes this guys material, I mean really!  And that was an ad lib.  I’m almost sure of it.  Unless that was Ruth Bader Ginsburg who was doing the heckling.  It could have been pre-arranged, because they hugged afterward and a headline said it was the “Best Liberal Hug In The History of America.”

5. John Boehner doesn’t agree with the President very much.

4.   Joe Biden is a happy looking guy who is still pretending he’s going to maybe run for president.

3.  Someone named Joni “The Castrater” Ernst wore bread bags on her feet when she was little, but now she’s rich.

2. Something about climate or community colleges or both.

1. “I know because I won them both.” Pad um pum!  Give that President a rimshot.